Left cold and Lifeless
by Aqua-Chorus
Summary: Namine reveals her concealed past, of how she became how she is.... xXx Part of my english original writing coursework xXx Oneshot


wow I haven't been on for ages! Just sooooo busy now that I'm stupid GCSE..... T.T Well we did some english course work and I was **really **happy with mine so I thought I could share it with you guys =3 SO here you go...

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It's moving time again. They said that we should flee before dawn; that way we can remain unnoticed from others. I'm no longer surprised when I'm notified with such a notice, since this constant movement has become nothing more than a mere exercise. But that doesn't mean I've gotten used to it. Well, at least my bedroom scenery keeps changing, you know, so it's not always the same lake or the same clouds that you see. It's one of the few things which helps me overlook my condition…makes me feel human.

I've just been ordered by Saix to pack all the belongings I want to keep and to burn the rest. I've never liked that tone of voice he uses with me, as if I'm an obedient maid there to fulfil his every will. Well, they all do that; ostracize me. Treat me as if I am inferior. All except Roxas…

Roxas is the only one who listens to me, the only one who's there when I cry, when I need sympathy. He's the only one who's there to willingly lend a hand. No…He's the only one who cares and treats me as an equal. One night, he promised me that someday we'll soar far away from the grasp of this hell hole. He said that we'll then get married and live together for eternity. He also promised he'd enrol me into a college so that I could have the education that I always dreamed of as a child. His kind words managed to warm my cold lifeless heart; gave me a purpose to continue to draw breaths. Oh…But how terrible I feel as he speaks about me. Always telling me what he'd do, making me feel like a spoilt little princess. Not even if I gave him my life, would it be enough to pay back all the kindness he has shown me…

I should probably get my belongings sorted out before I cause any more trouble for Roxas, as he always takes the blame for each and every one of my careless mistakes.

Luckily I don't have many possessions. A couple of outfits and a few books which Roxas managed to get from the Niwa fortress a while back. All I have to do is pile the books and carry them down to the lobby. I practically lay flat on the floor and reached my hand as far as it could go under the couch to reach the books which have somehow managed to escape to each corner. My middle finger managed to stroke over this sort-of leather covered book, so I completely ducked my whole upper body underneath the couch to reach and pull it out.

It's a heavy book. Covered in about a centimetre thickness of dust; I can clearly see where my fingers have left marks on it as I've tried to grab it. I dumped it onto the table at the side and noticed something on the floor… I cannot believe my eyes. I thought I had discarded every single one of them!

It was a photograph of me, during my childhood. The nostalgia of the moment shrouded the room in sudden claustrophobia which made it impossible to breathe. My nonchalant aura has been replaced with an injured and insecure soul as emotions scurrying around cause havoc in my system. That photograph cut through the wounds which had only just managed to heal. I could feel my life slipping from my hands like ribbon being control by the wind; as my treacherous mind revealed me my concealed past.

Mother stood behind the photographer pulling all these weird faces to try and grab my attention. Even though I was very young, this memory remains vivid in my mind as if it had only occurred yesterday. I didn't feel so good; Aunt Rinoa had been unable to visit which left me rather stroppy, not to mention the corset crushing my body. Mother's humorous actions left me feeling a little sympathy towards her, so I gave in (made it seem as if she was victorious) and looked over my shoulder, into the lens of the camera. Mother seemed exhausted but ultimately pleased.

She rushed over and lifted me up. She smiled so sweetly, I just had to return it. She, gently, placed me back down and my shoes made a tapping noise against the marble floor. I took her hand and admired her beauty. She was a petite lady but certainly the most elegant. Her bronze hair tied neatly into a loose bun and diamond tear drops hung from her ears, whilst her body was wrapped in a rich indigo silk. She looked like a photograph, with the spiral staircase behind and being surrounded by many tropical plants imported from the Far East. She looked like a queen adored by her country.

Sir Roberto, our butler had been waiting outside with our ride home. I couldn't wait to finally get back and be rid of this organ killer. But I didn't really want to go home. I could feel butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Why am I feeling nervous? Why is there this feeling inside me, urging me to turn back and never return? We continued down the quiet alleyway-like street, someone was preparing themselves to light the street lanterns. I hadn't realised, but night was already coming upon us and you could feel the cool October breeze stroking your face. I suddenly shivered; shook violently, without a purpose. Mother took my hand and looked me in the eye. "Are you alright?" She asked worry written all over her face. I simply nodded without speaking a word in response.

"Aerith! Aerith, where are you?" As soon as we entered the house, all I could hear was that annoying voice. Madame Rosaline was speeding down the stairs, with urgency screaming from her features. When she reached my mother, she placed her hands on mother's shoulders and panted for a brisk moment before continuing. "Aerith, they'll be coming today!" My mother's smiling face was gone.

"What! Why today!?" Stress was the main factor portrayed in her voice. "I-I don't know," Madame Rosaline managed to stutter, obviously surprised at mothers' sudden change in character, "they sent a messenger over saying that it'll be today." "But she's not ready!" Mother directed both her hands in my direction. She began circling around the large vase which rested near by; a clear sign saying something was wrong.

Honestly, what was going on? I had to find out before the curiosity drove me insane. "Erm..." Both their heads instantly turned to face me, I suddenly felt the urge to shut up, but I didn't. "What am I not ready for, Mother?" She looked down on to the floor, like a huge grey cloud was storming over her. A quizzical expression now featured on Madame Rosaline's long face. Her miniature spectacles which rested on the end of her nose should have fallen off as she furrowed her eyebrows. "You haven't told her yet?" Mother's head still hung low. What was this dreadful secret that she was keeping from me? "Mother, what haven't you told me?" I asked, matter-of-factly. Finally she lifted her head and gave me an apologetic smile. "Well..." She began and then stopped. She was then prodded by Madame Rosaline; who gave her a stern look, telling her to continue. Mother picked up from where she had left off. "...Seifer and his father were coming to visit today..." What? Seifer? That stuck up simpleton? Why would he ever come to visit? I didn't say anything, since it sounded as if mother wasn't finished. "...Well, you know how your father and Sir Almasy were close and... Sir Almasy thought it would only be right if..."

"If what, mother?"

"If you and Seifer...were married."

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The time now is around 11:56pm. Well past my bedtime. Location: in my bedroom. This has been my place of residence since the events of last week. The only time I've left is to use the bathroom but then I've always made my way back to my room. I am not going to wed Seifer.

It's very dark now. I haven't lit my bedside candle so it can remain undisturbed. I sit on my bed, which has now been pushed right next to the window. So when dawn breaks, light can stream in through my window.

I've been having the same dream every night, since the event of last week; a woman and a man share a forbidden love between each other. The woman being a peasant whilst the man, a noble. They attempted to meet each other in secrecy but one night, as they walk down a crystal lake with moonlight painted across the water, they are discovered by one of the noble man's guards. This is then reported to his father and the man is ordered to dispose of the 'filthy street rat'. During an invasion, the man slays the woman with one of his arrows. After the battle he digs a grave fifty feet deep and places the corpse of the woman at the bottom. Before he leaves her he kisses her lifeless body, suddenly the corpse grabs his forearms and her eye lids fling open; her face still a lifeless blue. A vile black liquid began to leek from her empty eye sockets as she screamed, "I'm not dead! Don't leave me! I'm not dead!"... And I wake at that moment every time. Is it trying to tell me something?

It's cold tonight, but I don't want to stay at home. For once I want to be the bird that is freed from the cage. The full moon looks perfect. No, tonight's not a night that should be wasted. I hop out of my bed, wearing only my white petticoat, and hurry out to the garden. I truly made a good choice... or at least that was what I had thought.

A sudden screech broke the beautiful silence. I had never heard anything so deadly before. It felt like it was sharp enough to pierce through my virgin ears. But what was I thinking? My adventurous feeling led me astray and after that sudden outburst to see if I could locate its source. I began through the tall dark tress but even in the complete darkness I could spot a path being lit by a few streaks of moonlight, so I followed it, since any other alternative was a negative.

My feet soon began to ache, since I was only wearing a pair of flimsy ballet pumps. All I had managed to grab in the time I had allotted myself. But nevertheless I continued forth, determined to find out who or what had been of the cause of that sound. The ends of my petticoat had become completely battered, since about a million and one branches had tugged against it, and it had been stained with colours I couldn't even identify. My ankles were dirty and I could feel a few blisters emerging from the palms of my hands as it had to deal with brushing against the rough bark to help me walk without falling on the uneven ground covered with tree roots thicker than street lantern posts.

Finally, ahead I could see a clearing, which means that I must be getting somewhere. For a while, I thought that I may just be rotating in circles in the tall, dark forest. I scramble out into the clearing, with the intension that I was going to see something, you know, something you wouldn't see everyday. But to my disappointment... nothing! It seemed to be the centre of the forest, only to be flourished in a fine layer (of what looks like) blue grass. Surrounding the independent area, were five different paths which lead back into the dark, daunting forest.

So that's just it? The whole point to this expedition was in actual fact pointless! Did I truly hear that deafening screech, or was it just my imagination? Any how, I don't really want to return home. Here I feel as if trouble has left me and whence I return home it'll once again follow my trail. Only a little longer, then I'll go back. So I lay down on the ground, flat on my back, arms spread apart. I let the blue coloured grass mingle with my hair and wondered if my petticoat could hold anymore stains. I'd love to see Madame Rosaline's reaction to my stained gown; it would surely be the best on yet.

What if my imagination was calling out to me? What if that screech I had heard was the scream of the woman from my dream... Stop it! If I think I'll get scared. I'm not about to get frightened over some ridiculous dream which makes no sense at all.

Suddenly, the weather began shifting gears as it changed from a calm cool night into an icy howl. The wind picked up the ends of my petticoat, allowing it to flutter in this mysterious feeling weather. Even the moon seemed to shadow itself from me as if I were a cruel dark creature which didn't deserve to receive its soft silky light. After that thought, it was hard to explain what happened...

All of a sudden this huge mass was crushing me. My body was crying out to me, yelping for help. It was impossible to move, the mass above me was so overwhelming, my body had lost it's will to continue struggling. Dark green hair was swished in my face before I was revealed pearl white...My world had come to an end. I had never felt a pain like it, to disturbing to describe. It was like being ripped apart, tissue by tissue and being burnt by acid at the same.

I awoke later, outside the forest to find myself covered in sliver marks scattered across my whole body. What had just happened to me?

Who would have thought that something like this would ever happen to me? After I got home, all I could feel was this indescribable pain, a horrible feeling that couldn't be described using words. They called many doctors and medics to come and see what was wrong with me, but none of them had any answers. They always said things like,' I've never seen such a disease,' or 'how did this happen?' Of course, I never had a reply. I just remained silent. Speaking just made it worse.

I am nothing but trouble. Nothing but a bother for my careers. It would be better if I were able to erase my existence, surely it would ease their pain.

Now is the time for me to go. Although to where... I don't know.

That night the temperature dropped drastically, almost to try and change my fixated mind. But there's no going back. I'd rather die them bother my troubled mother. It just wouldn't be fair to dump my heavy load of stress onto her shoulders. So I run, just run; with only one thing on my mind, 'get as far away so possible'. The moon glistened heavenly as it exposed the sliver marks which cover most of my body. The forest was darker than ever but the gentle, kind moon once again gave me a path that I could follow, but with each step I took my heart felt another sharp pang; as if it were being pierced with a keen knife. It ached to feel my heart beat. I clutched my heart and fell to the ground. I lay there, curling myself into a tight ball, feeling the security grab hold of my state of mind. For a moment, it felt like I just couldn't sense a thing, as if my skin had lost all its receptor cells. I felt at ease, like I were cushioned in a giant cotton plant. No pain, no sensation, a carefree existence. I wish could stay here.

Hmm... I guess the moon has led me back to where it all started. The centre of the forest. The place which was the only place which directly touched the sky, without being interrupted by horrible tree branches, in the whole forest. The place where I was attacked. Well' how ironic, it seems the place where all this physical pain started will be the place where it will end.

Some how all the pain has gone. No more, is my soul being soaked in acid. No more is my heart aching. Can I even feel a pulse? No... Does this mean that I am dead? I see... But I feel cold. Don't you go to heaven when you die? But I don't see any fluffy white clouds or a golden gate or beautiful angels whom sing with such angelic voices. So does that mean I'm in hell? Wait, Mother always said that 'bad people will perish in the flames of hell' and that mean that hell is fire. All I can see is empty, bottomless darkness. An endless banquet where the host has nothing to offer, and when someday you become part of it and part take in the engulfing of lost souls before the Lady Valkyrie can get to them. So I have been rejected by both heaven and hell... Was my soul that worthless?

An incredibly strange feeling arose in my guts. A sickening sensation, the longing for something, but I don't understand what. Am I hungry? No... thirsty? I won't move. If I do, then the whole score will reset back to zero. I have already come this far, now is not the time to give up. What am I even doing? Why is the sky painted red? Such a... mouth-watering sight.

Oh yes! I had a piano lesson sometime, this week? Oh well, I don't think I'll be there. I wonder what Mrs Lockhart will think. Probably something along the lines of, 'Such an irresponsible child'. She was never the type who liked to smile and she certainly disliked my positive aspect on life said it made her lose her focus. Such a stupid thing to say. But since it was coming from a stupid woman it was only expectable. She was a good instrumental teacher, I'll give you that, always finding a way to get you to improve. I want her to hear the song I'd written, it even had lyrics; it went something like this.

'_We were both young when I first saw you, I close my eyes and flash back starts, I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air. I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns, I see you making you're way through the crowds and say 'hello', little did I know. That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles, my daddy said 'stay away from Juliet', and I was crying on the staircase begging you' please don't go'. And I said Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess, it's a love story, baby just say yes...'_

What inspired me to write this song was William Shakespeare's masterpiece 'Romeo and Juliet' and my favourite part: when they first met.

'_So I sneak out to the garden to see you, we keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew, so close your eyes, let's leave this town for a little while. Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter and my daddy said' stay away from Juliet', but you were everything to me, I was begging you 'please don't go'...'_

How long has it been? Weeks? Months? A year? I just don't see the point in keeping count anymore. When will my end draw near? I can't bear this any longer. Someone, please, just make it stop...

'_Romeo save me their trying to tell me how to feel, this love is difficult but it's real. Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess. It's a love story, baby just say yes.'_

Why won't it stop...?

'_Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come. Is this in my head, I just don't know what to think. He kneels to the ground and pulls out a ring and says, Marry me Juliet, you never have to be alone. I love you and that's all I really know. I talked to your dad- you'll pick out a white dress. It's a love story. Baby just say... yes.'_

If Juliet had married Paris, she wouldn't have died, would she...

I hear rustling. Or is it my imagination tricking me again. No. This sounds real. For a moment, I thought I had been accepted into heaven; a beautiful angel appeared a few inches in front of mine. I'd found it difficult to open my eyes since they'd been shut for so long. The angel's face seemed to hover over mine; locks of golden hair fell forward down its face. The angel looked down straight into my eyes and asked, "How are you feeling?" It had a masculine voice. I always thought angels were always female. I guess there can be exceptions right. The male angel smiled softly when he realised he wasn't going to get a reply. That's when we he lifted me into his arms and carried me away...

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I wonder where mother is now. Most likely heaven, she was so kind to everyone, she could make anyone happy by just being with them. And what about Seifer? Hell...definitely hell. If only I could be with mother. I don't think she's waiting for me any longer, after all, a hundred years is a reasonably long amount of time. She's there with father living a perfect life together, and I'm still on this planet; been abandoned and left to struggle. I am nothing more than a pathetic fugitive. Always running, always hiding. Hopefully, one day, I'll be found and that they'll end my existence. Then I could finally re unite with mother and father. The way it should have been.

I take one last look at the photograph, and then quickly shove it back into the heavy book that it had fallen out of. I sit there in complete silence as I desperately attempt to shun those memories, but I find it impossible. I take the photograph back out of the book and silently allow teardrops to fall. The door swings open. "Namine." Roxas calls my name. I remain silent. He walks towards me. His golden locks, untidy as ever, glistened in the light streaming through the window. He looks at the photograph I hold in my hands, and then he kneels so his head is level with mine. He places his two strong hands on my back and pushes me so I fall against his body. "Namine, when are you going to let it go...?" He spoke softly whilst hugging me tight. I didn't say anything, just continued my silent sobs. He began stroking my hair before he loosened his grip he turned around so I was sitting on his lap and so he could continue to fiddle with my long pale hair.

"You're thirsty, aren't you, Namine?" I didn't say anything but I know he knew my answer. He gently pushed me off his lap and took off his pale blue t-shirt. "Go on. I don't mind." This just did it; I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let it all out. Why is he so nice to me? I don't deserve this. I cried my eyes out. Roxas grabbed me again, holding me tighter than ever. "Namine, please..." I turned around to see his bare neck exposed to the likes of me. He pulled me close and waited. I returned the hold and leaned forward... and sank my teeth into his glorious skin. His grip suddenly tightened, practically clawing into my back, this only made me suck harder. Blood dripping from my chin fell down his angelic body. He once again stoked my hair and said the words I loved to hear: "I love you, Demetria. I'll never leave you..."

'_You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby just say... yes.'_

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Tell me what you think plz ^^ 'A' quality?


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